Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Love Letter #6: Look into your Heart (Sparkle)

Dear J,

Remember this?

"If you look into your heart
With a positive mind
Take some inventory
of your woman and your glory
Leave the bad things behind (ooh)
Everybodys got a story (yes they do)
About love and the good things
But all the spices of your life
You just got to pay the price
If you know what I mean (ooh yeah)
I'm telling everybody
I know how a girl becomes some pride
When I finally found there was nothing left
I said I do believe I found myself
And I want to give it to you baby oh yes I do (yeah yeah)
So if you look into your heart
With a positive mind
You can take some inventory of your woman and your glory
Leave the bad things behind
And your woman really loves me we don't have that everyday (oh no no no)
I know my man really needs me I say it
What ever he wanna do I wanna do it with you baby (yeah yeah)
(do do do doooo . . .)
Jump on the night
Love's not an easy game
And he's strong and he's straight
Now that I see
What he's givin' me
I say what ever he wanna do
I wanna do it with you baby
I'm loving you more and more and more and more
And giving you all and all of me
I say now mercy baby
I'm loving you more and more and more and more
I'm giving you all and all of me
Oh yes I am
Say mercy baby
I'm loving you more
Mercy baby
Mercy baby
Mercy baby

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Love Letter # 5: Missing You by Diana Ross (written by Lionel Richie)

"Since you've been away
I've been down and lonely
Since you've been away
I've been thinking of you
Trying to understand
The reason you left me
What were you going through?
I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
Ooh ooh
I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
As I look around
I see things that remind me
Just to see you smile
Made my heart fill with joy
I still recall all those plans we made together
where did you run to boy?
Ooh Ooh
I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns?"

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Love Letter #4

Lyrics to 1st verse from Faithful by Common

"I was rollin' around, in my mind it occurred
What if God was a her?
Would I treat her the same? Would I still be runnin' game on her?
In what type of ways would I want her?
Would I want her for her mind or her heavenly body?
Couldn't be out gettin' bogus with someone so godly
If I was wit' her would I still be wantin' my ex?
The lies, the greed, the weed, the sex
Wouldn't be ashamed to give her part of my check
Wearin' her cross, I mean the heart on my neck
Her I would reflect on the streets of the Chi'
Ride wit' her, 'cause I know for me she'd die
Through good and bad call on her like I'm chirpin' her
Couldn't be jealous 'cause other brothers worship her
Walk this earth for her, glory, I'm grateful
To be in her presence I try to stay faithful

[sample] Faithful to the end
[sample] Faithful to the end
[sample] Faithful to the end
[sample] I'd like to be her very best friend"

Thank you for putting this heart on my neck.
Thank you for loving my mind and not just my body.
Thank you for giving me part of your check.
Thank you for giving me all of you, the honesty, the ambition & yes the sex.
Thank you for not being jealous because other brothers worship me.
Thank you for being my medicine, and healing my broken spirit.
Thank you for wearing my heart on your sleeve, (facebook,) and for repping me in the streets on the internet, LA and Miami. Thank you for ridin' with me because you know for you'd I'd die.
Thank you for calling on me in good and bad, in sickness and in health,
for as long as we both shall live...
I'll be faithful
to the end.

love, Me.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Love Letter #3

p writing poetry to J listening to Common when I'm really supposed to be packing for a move that is happening tomorrow.

"You're such a mush ball," I can here him say.

I smile as if I know a secret only he and I know. Because we do... This love we share isn't about occupation or wealth... its about mutual ambitions and ties to our families, our desire for unconditional love and the type of relationship we both wanted. I see something in him most people don't get to see. The way he does 8th grade Algebra homework while I make dinner and show my daughter martial arts moves. The way he gives my son game with the girls while going over Spanish homework with him. I love that despite that he hasn't found his lane yet, he'll sit and obsess over cable network news and has meaningful conversation with me about what's happening around the world in 30 days. I love that when he sees that I'm a bit more intense in the kitchen chopping vegetables with malice he'll.. slip up behind me and gently kiss my neck to make me smile.. because he knows, that the spot exactly 3 o'clock on my neckline is ticklish and that I can't possibly frown when his lips touch there.

I love that he adores my cooking so much that every night he kisses me and says thank you when I bring him a plate, and has finished it before I have a chance to bring him a glass of water. I watch as he turns off the TV and picks up a book to read... always looking to expand his mind at his leisure. I can't begin to imagine what my days are going to be like while he's not here with me. Trying to fill my days with other things so I won't dwell on it too much and break down in tears. Which isn't a difficult task looking around a partially unpacked room that still needs to be put away so I can have friends move us tomorrow. There I go... Us. That's all its been for the last 2 years. I pray, yes, I pray... that the universe sees fit that he heals as quickly as possible so I can stop sleeping on the sofa and return to our bed so I might be a happier woman.

St. Michael if you're listening, watch over my soldier and keep him safe. Let his body rest and his heart return to its normal gait so he might remember, that the world, although a scary place... isn't as bad as it seems. May he remember that no cross is too big to bear... and that his shoulders are strong enough to lift the weight from his head. May he find the peace he seeks so that he will once again see that he IS the man I met and fell in love with.. that he hasn't lost his way. May he remember that hope is everlasting and there is nothing wrong with joy in your heart. May he remember that the biggest expectations he has are the ones he sets for himself... and that mistakes are easily overcome. I know love can't heal all wounds... but if it could, I'll easily give up the memory of true love to restore his faith in humanity.

Until we meet again,

Love Letter #1

Jada Stevens just stopped by. She and I smoked... I started missing you so I put on Common's Be album. I got higher than I've been in awhile.. probably because I've barely slept from worry about you and I haven't eaten since you've left and... well, my kitty misses her Daddy... because Common's voice is nice but.. honestly, yours is so much better. I... think to myself, it would be great if Jorge were here to.. make love to me amongst the boxes and packing tape.. for that.. one last time in our 1st bedroom and.. on the balcony because its late and we'll hand over the keys so fuck it. ;-)

"How beautiful love can be," - Common

I love the way you touch me late night
your kiss along my collarbone.
I love..
the way you whisper dirty things in my ear.
The way you...
grab my face to look in my eyes
while you dig deep into my heart.
I love the way you move me
throw me around like a rag doll.
Tell me...
things we both know we really mean
even though we act like we're just playing.
make me feel as if the world has stopped
and nothing but you and I matter.
want to be able to give you sons
since you've already given me moons.
I want to kiss your feet the way you
kiss my face.
I want you to
taste my tears while
I taste your love.

Fuck you.
I was trying not to miss you this much.
I was trying not to touch myself while you were away..
And yet here I am...
that if I can't have you inside me tonight
that you won't mind if I touch myself
as long as I'm thinking of you...

I think I will.
I hope that's okay with you.

Because I...





I wish you understood just how much I love you.
I thought you knew.
I guess I'll have to remind you.
Here I am..
3,000 miles away
wishing you were home.
Not looking for someone else
until you return.
In all ways.

Love Letter #2

Made it through the entire day without crying.
Now... alone in silence,
curled up with Curious Jorge on the sofa...
they come.
In droves.
Like spring rain.
Reminiscent of sitting on the restaurant balcony in Costa Rica
wishing you were here to share that moment.

to see your face.
your lips were touching mind.
that it won't be long but crying anyway.

I never had any formal training
on how to love a mad man.
And yet...
if given the opportunity
I'll try.
Every day.
For all of our lives.
Get well soon.
I love you.

Goodnight Moon.
Keep him safe until he returns home to me.